Not sure how to start something like this so I'll just start typing and hope I end up somewhere.  This whole thing with A.J. has really gotten me thinking.  I'm to the point now where I don't want to care because he doesn't seem like a reliable guy.  No matter how hard I try to move on from Matt I just can't.  I miss the kind of relationship we had.  I miss the hour long phone conversations about anything and everything.  I miss being with him.  I miss the way he used to smell so good. 

I had such high hopes for A.J. but the bar has been set too high.  So the big question I guess is how on earth do I go about moving on?  Matt has, so why can't I?  Girls get stuck on guys so easily yet guys can move on in a matter of days.  I just don't get it.  I wanted a relationship with A.J.  I'm not saying that nothing will happen but the fact that he never calls me and some other things make me realize that it would never work out.  I tried going into the whole thing thinking that it was just for fun but for me, hanging out with someone gets you liking them.  Then they go and don't speak to you and it really upsets you but there's nothing you can do about it.  Once this realization hits you, you begin wondering what's wrong with you.  Why can't you get a guy?  Are you being punished?  How can everything change?  I truly want another relationship like Matt and I had.  I thought things were pretty perfect until they were ruined.  I was actually starting to forget about Matt and the good old times but tonight that's all I can think about.  I almost NEEDED something to happen with A.J. in order for me to move on but now he's getting busy with work and who knows what else.  I guess he's gonna do me like he did Megan after all.  Forget the whole "I'll change for you" thing.  I was stupid to believe it in the first place.  I don't know what to do anymore.  I know I need to stop focusing on the past but right now that's all I have to depend on.  This probably doesn't even make sense.  At least I kinda got my feelings out.  

Yo yo I was just checkin to see if this was one and it wasn't so what do I do?!?!